Italia

‎"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."  - Nelson Mandela

As I took one last walk around the city that I adore today, I could not help but feel so at home. I kept thinking about how uncomfortable the thought of America is. They say; "Home is where your heart is." If this were true.. I would not be boarding a plane tomorrow. I am heartbroken to leave a place that has changed me. The Italian culture, people, and country have changed me to become not only a better person, but a better Christian. Thank you Italy for the sights that you possess, the alleyways you let me walk aimlessly, and the mystery that I have tried to discover these past 3 months about who I am as a person in this world. There are so many things that I will miss here. Rome will always have a special place in my heart.. we have shared a lot of precious and dear memories. We have shared so many cones of apple gelato. We have ran the streets of cobble and watched the morning fog arise from the ground. We have watched the sun set over the rooftops of the beautiful Romans that live in this city. Rome is apart of me. What now? How do I let myself be challenged by the thought of leaving? No one understands it, and that frustrates me so much. The people that were here, living this journey out day by day, are the only ones that will ever understand the difficulty of moving back to America. It is not a "transition" because I am not going back to who I was. It is not an "adjustment" because I don't think my life is meant to be contained to one country. I think the most shocking aspect of this semester is that I thought I knew God. I knew my "American God". Well, guess what? He isn't American. God reigns everywhere. I had Him in my little box, contained him to be what I needed Him to be: English speaking, easy to understand, and right where I wanted Him. God reigns everywhere. I had a hard time adjusting to another culture, because I didn't think I would find God here. I saw the characteristics of God in more ways than I ever thought I could. I have never experienced the love of my Savior as much as I have here in Europe. My expectations and desires of what God "should be" to me, were broken and shattered within the first week. If you don't want to see God at work in your life, stay in your comfort zone. And the funny thing is as soon as you pray to God to use you.. He will. And it is not comfortable or enjoyable at all times. However, the outcome is refreshing and eye-opening. Life becomes new when you live your life out to full potential. Something that I have had written under the description of this blog the whole three months is: "My goal is to see the other side of the Atlantic ocean in color, instead of black and white." My goal was achieved and even more so; created an addiction and obsession with this side of the world. Expectations will never be met here on this earth and traveling God's great and beautiful creation will only show us humans that fully. 

Reaching the end.

Wow, I am not doing so good with the frequent blogging. The last blog I wrote was March 10th?! A lot has happened since Spring Break, and now.. I leave Italy in 3 days. Where has the time gone?

This has been a very hard and emotional week for me. It is hard to admit that, because I have tried to cover up this feeling. This feeling of transition.. defiantly is something I do not have mastered in my life. It is so hard to visualize going home to America. Is that even my home? Yes, I was born and raised there.. but they say, home is where your heart is. Well, Italy has my heart. I think the hardest part of this transition back to America will be communicating with those that did not experience and see the things I did. Yes, other people have visited Italy.. or maybe even lived in Italy like I did. However, I can never, no matter how hard I try, explain what is on my heart now. Or express the love that I possess for these amazing people. I don't want to leave. I am heartbroken at the thought of leaving the cobblestone alleyways and the beautiful souls I have met, that have changed my life forever. This country has changed me as a person and as a Christian. God captured my heart in the discomfort of being in an unknown place. God took off the "goggles" that so many Americans have glued to their faces. The things I would normally see as "dirty, broken, or inconvenient", are now where I see God the most.

For an assignment, I was asked "What have you learned while being here in Italy?" Needless to say, the final writing assignment was 3 or 4 pages when I turned it in. I cannot even put fully into words the things I have learned. Not only historically and educationally about the many places I have visited. But also culturally. I have gotten the amazing chance to meet people from all over the globe, and even stay with some of them in their homes. I would encourage people all day, every day to leave. Leave the United States. Get out of the comfort of America, in fact, never be comfrotable. Never be "settled" at where you are at in life. Get out there and let the world mold and shape you for the better. The best piece of advice I have gotten, actually from my friend, Berit from Sweden, told me: "Yes, it will hard to go back. Chose to find the beauty everywhere you go. Take the good out of every culture and let it mold you. Keep traveling." Well, my dear Berit, that is exactly what I plan to do. Let the good of every culture mold me.

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control. 2 Tim 1:7